I haven’t written for a couple of days – for obvious reasons. On Thursday night last week, we had a Free-2-B-U meeting at Fisherman’s Village. Our guests left at about 10pm… and I left about 15 minutes later after fetching Joah’s camping cot from inside my Mom’s house.
As I drove away, my Mom locked the gate behind me and started walking back to the house. However, she hadn’t even walked a few steps when she was ambushed by 4 men. They took her inside the house… went and got my sister from her room… and tied my sister and my mom’s hands with shoe laces. Then they ransacked the house.
They loaded everything in to my Mom’s car – but then couldn’t get my Mom’s car started. At that time, Abri Henning (the new manager at Fisherman’s Village) – together with his wife Riana and their two little girls – arrived back home from cell group (they also live at Fisherman’s Village).
Abri didn’t have a key for the gate and so he phoned my sister on the cell phone and asked her to let him in. One of the robbers held a gun to my sister’s head as she answered the cell phone. She tried to warn him – as best as she could, under the circumstances – NOT to come in, but rather to go away and come back the following morning. Abri, sadly, didn’t understand what Suzanne was trying to say – and so, he walked – on the outside of the property fence – to where the staff quarters are situated – so that he could call to one of the staffers and ask them to open the gate.
He never got as far as the staff quarters. Two men with guns came out of the reeds and instructed him to lie face down on the ground. Meanwhile, the men inside the house exited – and my Mom made a dash for the panic button – pushing it with her chin. My sister and my Mom then locked themselves in the bathroom.
Riana – hearing the alarm and noticing the men running from the house – immediately jumped back in to her car to try and get her children to safety. She reversed at speed, but, in her panic, she hit a tree and the car came to a halt. One of the robbers approached the car and shot her in the head with one bullet.
The robbers fled on foot – leaving a lot of the household equipment still in my Mom’s car, but still managing to get away with equipment worth thousands of rands.
Abri immediately rushed his wife to the hospital where she died.
As you can imagine – this has been an enormous tragedy… and everybody is extremely heart-sore. Abri is devastated – his little girls are too young to really comprehend what happened to their mommy.
But enough about the crime and the tragedy – let’s talk about Riana. I believe that the best way to honour her memory is to remember who she was (is)… I don’t ever want people to remember Riana simply as “the woman who was murdered at Fisherman’s Village”. I want people to remember Riana for the beautiful, giving, kind, compassionate, servant-hearted person that she was. And I’m not just saying that because it’s the PC thing to say. I mean every word!
That Thursday night (before she left for cell group) – she had scrubbed The Shed coffee bar from top to bottom. When I arrived at the house, she was in the kitchen washing dishes. I remember thinking: “This woman is incredible! She never stops doing and serving other people. I must not forget to buy her flowers and a card!”.
Truth be told, I had been wanting to buy her flowers and a card for a while – but it always got put off – thanks to the busy-ness of life. As cliched as it sounds, it just goes to show that we really shouldn’t put off for tomorrow what could be done today!
My Mom, my sister and Abri have also been amazing. They are (obviously!) far more traumatized and affected than me… and yet, both Abri and my Mom say that they will continue their work at Fisherman’s Village. They will not run away, run scared because of what happened. And if Abri and my Mom are so brave in the midst of these trying circumstances – then I believe that people need to bite their tongues and think carefully about what they say to the Henning family – and to my Mom & sister – during this time.
If I had a message to all of our family and friends… and all of Abri’s family and friends, it would be this:
Please don’t make this tragedy about YOU. About YOUR fears. About YOUR issues with this country. About YOUR ideas as to what everyone should do – and how everyone should cope! They need support, they need love, they need encouragement. They don’t need you to tell them that they need to move to a safer place. They don’t need to hear you ranting and raving about how bad the country is / how out of control the crime is / how evil the attackers were. They don’t need you to try and make sense out of a senseless situation – to psycho-analyse the event and present them with cliched all-things-happen-for-a-reason kind of comments. They don’t need lectures… and if they really need your well-meaning advice – they’ll ask for it. They don’t need ‘solutions’ and ‘cures’. Please… it’s not about YOU. It’s about THEM. And it’s about Riana. Let’s remember who Riana was – let’s celebrate her beautiful life – instead of focusing all of our attention on the details of her death. Please don’t bombard Abri, Mom and Suzanne with questions about the finer details of the tragedy. Why do YOU need to know every single detail? Let them cope in their own way. Let them mourn in their own way. Just be there for them – with love, support and encouragement. That’s all they need right now. I plead with you… don’t make it about YOU.
I don’t even think any of the relevant people even read this blog – but still – the letter above is my wish for everyone involved. I’m tired of discussing the details of Riana’s death. I feel like I’ve repeated the story one too many times already. I just want to honor Riana’s LIFE… and honor her awesome, brave, incredible, committed husband… and her beautiful babies. And I want to honor my mother – and my sister for their strength, their braveness – for who they are.
If you know me personally. Please don’t ask me to hash out the events of that horrible evening again. All that you need to know is already written at the beginning of this blog.
For now, I’m going to be there for my family – and for the Henning family… and I’m going to think of ways that I can best honor Riana – for everything she did in this life. She is so much MORE than just the-woman-who-was-murdered-at-Fisherman’s-Village. She was(is) Riana Henning – precious and priceless – beautiful woman, mother, daughter, sister, friend, wife – and so, so much more. Let’s focus on that.
xx
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