So… as you can tell… I haven’t been blogging on this site for a long time.
I won’t be making excuses – or even promises. My life has been so crazy-varied and so crazy-busy with Beautiful Life Project, WOODO (Women who DO!), VENT! and the finalising of Tapestry of Dreams… that I haven’t had time to do much else.
But then maybe… maybe that’s just an excuse.
Here’s a confession. Yet again, I have been putting everything… and I mean everything… before “me”. Absolutely everything is more important than Heather-Time. Or Heather’s-Personal-Dreams.
Don’t get me wrong… I love my life, my kids, my family. I wouldn’t swap them – or my time with them – for the world. I also love my work. I find my work incredibly fulfilling. There is no other work that I would choose to do instead. Each one of my projects is my ‘baby’. Each one holds a piece of me. Each one makes me come alive in a different way. And I’m grateful for this.
But still. There is a difference between my work (what I DO!)… and “Heather” (who I AM!). And I have been (once again) neglecting Heather. Surprise-surprise. I’m sure this is familiar territory for (too) many women.
Everyone comes FIRST. Husband, kids, home, work, friends, family, responsibilities, expectations, lists of things-to-do, etc, etc. And – as usual – “Heather Needs” and “Heather Dreams” are placed far, far at the back of the queue. Everything and everyone else is the Number 1 Priority. This, I believe, is a very familiar journey – for most women. As nurturers, it’s easy for us to nurture everyone else… but when it comes to nurturing ourselves – there seems to be no time left! We can listen to everyone else, and be a shoulder to cry on for so many people – but when it comes to listening to our own needs and desires… again – no time! Too many other things to attend to. Other people who need our attention. Other priorities which need to be focussed upon.
Last year, I wrote in the Beautiful Life Project newsletter that I wanted 2012 to be a year of Celebrating ME! And I had quite a few women respond and write back to me, saying how they too – needed to prioritise themselves and stop neglecting themselves and their own needs. I guess I would like this blog to explore that idea.
I’m going to write very frankly – and share with you what I’m struggling with. Perhaps we can walk this journey together? I have no need (or desire) to try and present myself to the world as somebody who has all her ducks in a row. I don’t. (I wonder if anybody has? Including all the famous Self-Help gurus). I just think that some of us are better at hiding than others.
So – here’s my Question of the Day: do you hide? Do you wear a mask? Patch on a smile and pretend that everything is fine – even when it’s not? Do your closest friends and family know you – or do you hide from them too? Do you worry too much about what-people-will-think… or what-people-will-say and so you hide, and smile, and pretend… and fool everyone into believing that you’re something or someone… that you’re actually not?
I hide. But I don’t hide in the ways I used to hide. These days, I tend to hide my dreams. My real dreams. The reason why I hide them is because I fear the reactions of others. I worry that my dreams seem too stupid, too superfluous, too unreasonable, too…. vain? (“Vain” has always been a word I’ve feared).
Perhaps I’ll be brave enough to share some of those crazy, “vain” dreams with you a bit further down the line.
But for now – I’ll just kick off 2012 with a revival of this blog – and hope that, in 2012, it will live up to its name… and that I, too, will be brave enough… to shine.
